Perhaps it's because I've just come back from the 10-day summer residency for my MFA program—with what feels like a burgeoning summer cold—and the reality of the final semester looms large. Perhaps it's because the Wondergrandchild is halfway around the world in South Africa, a trip she left on while I was gone, a trip I envy and which thrills me because just imagine that!
Perhaps it's the heat and humidity and the cicadas buzzing.
Perhaps it's that my mother-in-law is in the hospital, admitted for kidney stones and an infection, and is now dealing with sepsis.
Perhaps it is all of that, though I'm willing to consider that the underlying issue for my malaise is that I'm working on completing a first draft of The Memoir and I realize how much there is yet to do. No matter the reason, there is this: I am edgy, on edge, feeling as if my center is not quite holding.
But there is also this: Mr. Handsome Man has taken position on the section of desk I've designated "the editing room." He's sprawled out, appearing deep in sleep until I begin marking up the pages at which point he maneuvers his upper body onto the paper, wanting only to be as close as he can. His closeness is designed to keep me seated, available, working.
He needs me to stay with him as much as I need to stay with the work. But there are cicadas and there is the summer heat and there is the idea of one I love so dearly being so far away and there is the fact that one I love in a different way is in pain and there is the fear that I am not quite up to the task at hand.
Is it any wonder, therefore, that I keep thinking that operating a cupcake truck would be an easier way to live?
4 comments:
Lovely. It's a tough spot, but there's no way to it, but to go through it, one moment at a time.
Best, Deirdre
Elizabeth! Just reading the blog entry above makes me want to read more. I bet you even made that beautiful dessert in your spare time! I had no idea that you were blogging. Now I'm curious about The Memoir!
Wonderful!
Fabulous, as always.
What an adventure for the Wondergrandchild!
But if you operated a cupcake truck there would be a continuous temptation to eat said cupcakes and therefore a different kind of longing would take the place of the current pains.
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